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My Thoughts While Swiping on Bumble

Now, like the title says these are my thoughts while swiping on Bumble. If you don’t like them or don’t agree, you’re entitled to your own opinion as I am mine.

In a world where meeting people the old fashion way, aka out or “organically”, is becoming obsolete online dating is skyrocketing.

According to eharmony, “40% of Americans are using online dating.” So my hopeless romantic self turned my boredom to Bumble. Now location makes a difference in your experience based on the population. Below are my thoughts while swiping:

  • You do not look 6″4.
  • There are girls in your pics. I am definitely judging you based on how good looking they are compared to you.
  • All group pics- ok which one are you?
  • We matched! Wait you wrote nothing in your bio essentially affecting my wittiness to grab your attention.
  • You talk about your dog in your bio but he’s not in any of your pics. Lack of consistency.
  • First pic- cute, yay, finally! Swipes to remaining pics… yeah not for me. First pic was a trap.
  • Oh it’s an instant match, and I have to message you. To wait or not to wait? Don’t want to sound too eager.
  • Yikes- you peaked in high school.
  • Still good looking. I’ll swipe right for nostalgic reasons.
  • Your dog is cute so I’ll swipe right.
  • Your dog is cute af, but I’m still swiping left.
  • So you rave.. I couldn’t tell by your pictures..
  • So is the kid yours orrrrr? Please specify. I’m gonna swipe left just in case.
  • Wish you would specify: employed and over 6′.
  • Mirror pics were so circa 2007 bro.
  • I’ve swiped right like once in the past 30 minutes. Why do I even bother with this thing?
  • If you add your insta to your bio I will stalk before I swipe right.
  • Perfect you put your insta so I can stalk more. Oh it’s private. What was the point of that?
  • Okay so basically everyone in Atlanta went to the same three colleges.
  • Can we get some diversity? Either you look like you walked out of a J Crew or a South Pole Magazine.
  • You swiped right. I swiped right. We matched. I messaged. AND NO RESPONSE?
  • If he was taller… but he’s not.
  • I’ve seem you fifty times! No bumble get him off my algorythm.
  • I want to match with you just so I can comment or question something regarding your bio.
  • Why is your girlfriend or ex girlfriend in your picture sucking face?
  • Since all of your pictures are group pictures and there’s three reocurring guys…which one are you?
  • Damn the friend is hotter.

Have funny dating stories or Bumble experiences? Let me know in the comments below! Interested in my Tinder dating experience with a Murder Stripper?